thesweetdeath

Let's get our asses moving

2007-09-04T23:00:00.000+08:00

I'VE MOVED (:
> http://tickertapeblurs.livejournal.com

don't find me, you'll lose me eventually.

There, I'm a strong woman

2007-08-29T02:43:00.001+08:00

I hate updating this stupid old junkie. Am just very sick of this blog, okay or maybe it's just me being my lazy ol self. Lots been getting to me lately, I can't seem to sort my emotions or feelings or whatever you call it, straight. There are things, I can't really comprehend and it just makes life that little difficult. Tonight's getting a little emo. It's 0245 and many people and things are running through my mind. I just finished reading her blog after what seemed like an eternity. Mixed emotions are really on the let loose, suddenly it was as though what I wanted wasn't there, at all. I can't get a grasp of anything, I'm letting my mind take full control. Tears keep falling like what not and I keep telling myself, holy cow Jieping what are you doing, but somehow the answers are far from what you would expect. Today those words they just slipped out of my mouth that way, I never did imagine it to happen. I was just never cautious enough.

Tonight I hang onto the pictures of you and her,
and I ask myself 'why does it concern you'.
You call her an ignorant child.
Those images keep flashing and please tell me they're not for real.
God, I don't know what's happening.

Don't let me pick up from where you left off.

The way the story goes

2007-08-17T00:01:00.000+08:00

Bestfriend's birthday last Saturday. It was nothing but total awesomeness. Met the love at Horizon Towers and we cabbed over to Sab's place and she and Rynel put up a superb dinner for the ladies.(: Oh and the cake was simply gorgeous although I don't really know how to appreciate oats! HAHA.

Oh and we hailed a London cab and the uncle was nice enough as to fetch us all the way to clarke quay! We had a nice chat with him too! Caught some fireworks before we went to Barfly for some drinks. Rounds and rounds of never ending martinis and laughters. Saw the long lost mr nice manager from Creative Roy Tan and not forgetting Ashid, heh. (Oh we did not drink until we were high)

Gmax was the highlight! Took the reverse bungy with the love and we did not scream at the top of our lungs. HAHA lost my voice the next day and now I've got throat problems again. HEH.

Happy 18 bestfriend(:

I've seen the lights that went by,
I counted them
One of which was flickering,
a couple already died down.

As the cab comes to a stop at the junction,
I took a deep breath,
slightly enough to wash away all that memories.
My eyes were still shut.

Tear drops accompanied as I exhaled,
as I continued breathing at a normal rate
as I look out of the window,
for the second time.

And if i fall through these days that go by without cause

2007-08-01T23:31:00.000+08:00

Saturday and Sunday trainings were bad because on both days we wanted to go out to the Merlion but in the end we failed to do so because of the heavy rain. Rowing in the rain is definitely not a wise idea because I just got a high fever ytd. Okay maybe it wasn't the rain's fault. But what the heck.

Projects: Finally done and over with and I could never be so so so glad. Currently putting my heart into studying for my final exams, which, I really hope to score because this semester's been an awful one, with the constant skipping of lessons and low attendance letters received.

Met up with the sec school girls which I haven't seen them in tens of thousands of years. We kind of caught up with one another on our lives and all, and this saturday we're having some potluck session over at Sabrina's. Michelle got herself a new puppy again(:

This evening saw me at Ngee Ann's swimming pool, yes like finally I'm down in the waters. I realise that if you hadn't swam for a long time, the whole thing just kind of get you and it felt weird. Like, I couldn't breathe properly and ended up doing one less set of 100 IM. I was lucky and got away for today because coach wasn't here. But 8x50 wasn't that bad and I was pacing Nicole and (trying to pace with) Stewart but he's damn fast.

There's a German test tmr and a German presentation and I hadn't done anything yet. I think I'm so going to be screwed.

Tons to do, including getting names for the Fuji Xerox open waters swim, clock my running mileage for StanChart, study for my final exams and prepare for SAVA in Sept.

Holidays that's what I'm looking forward to(:

Suo yi

2007-07-23T09:53:00.000+08:00

She wished nothing had happened

Daddy drove me down to Kallang on Saturday cos it was pouring. Was the first to reach in my so many trainings but Travis beat me a little and he was playing with the dog. Got the chance to pace today with Tommy, Dern and Ding but I swear it didn't seem that easy when sitting at non-pacers seat. Ding was sitting at the front and it was more difficult cos it seemed like the front was much lower. But nonetheless I still tried my best. Training wasn't that tough (thank God). We did race starts and I think our race starts weren't that bad!

Headed to Marina for lunch then to Expo to work for some event. It was some company called Herbalife and it their party was really adorable - it was a pajamas party! Did behind bar and it was hectic. Legs were hurting and all oh so boring. We started tearing down at about 11ish all the way to 2.30am in the morning. I swear it was so irritating. Cabbed home with PY in the pouring rain and fell asleep. Long cab rides in the rain is love! Only reached home at 3ish.

Woke up at 6 the next morning and Daddy drove me down to Bedok while I slept at the back. Met Dern and Michelle and walked all the way in to TP's track. We didn't get to join the competitive runners start but we kinda went on our own. This year's Mizuno Wave Run was the first I ever joined and honestly, it didn't seem as well organised and all. There were no markings of the distance or markings of which way to run. It was chaos. So I ended up running 2 rounds around Bedok reservoir, which is a good thing because some marshal guy almost made me run around the school. Then somebody told us to just run another round round the reservoir. It was a good run I felt cos it didn't seem as tiring as running campus.

Showered over at Michelle's before Dern and I left for lunch at Suntec. Our legs were giving way alr (do you feel us?) but then we still managed to walk all the way to Bugis Street from Suntec, aren't we something?(:

Captain's ball today, I can't wait. But my legs are still gonna give way soon I think. HEH.

I don't wanna lose any bit of this,
not even a teeny weeny bit.
Clear lines have been drawn
ever since the day he walked out of my life.

Could you give me this chance,
to make it all up.

A past so deep, that even you could not bury if you tried

2007-07-16T16:14:00.000+08:00

That I loved you more

School is fucked these days. Company is love. Met up with the long lost SC folks at Sentosa on Saturday for some recce shit for the Interactive Day 2007. Oh the recce was helluva boring man. Haha. Headed over to the tram there and waited for AhDern and Stanley but I saw Xiaoyan! Haven't really talked to her in ages!

Headed over to Tanjong and went out on OC1 that day. It was a really good training cos Ding taught us how to read tides, waves, undercurrent, the weather and what nots. Good thing I didn't capsize today cos the weather was bad. It was dark and drizzly that day.

After a few more rounds out on OC1, showered and had lunch Koufu before we went back to Vivo.

Sunday saw us having training at Kallang and I was super late. But Ding was nice and left the key somewhere for me to keep my precious bag and my laptop. Headed out to the waters after that and it was a couple of rounds round the basin doing stroke pauses and stroke checks.

Then we went onto the beach and did more stroke corrections before we headed to Sheares Bridge and off back to Cosy Bay. Wasn't a good piece cos the boat didn't feel as if it was moving. Or rather, it did only when Ding called for power 10. If not, it was only 90 on my part. >): Lunch-ed at Suntec again but it was great, Dern Stanley Ding Travis and I squeezed cosily on one table(:

Harry Potter wasn't THAT fantastic, in fact, it was like quite boring and the WOW factor's like GONE. Oh well.

Company was love.

The insects so lucky

2007-07-08T12:57:00.001+08:00

070707! OC open house was held at Tanjong Beach today and there was quite a number of turnups despite of the heavy pour early in the morning. Michelle and I cancelled our perfect tanning plans and she didn't even turn up for the day! Oh well, met up with Ben, Stanley, Weizheng and Ah Dern and we went for lunch at Kou Fu! (Oh and I beat BEN LIM at chopsticks yet again!) OWNAGE. Went to the shed early and helped with the food. Wz's maid made sandwiches again and that was damn nice of her. There were Rina's beehoon and fruits too!

Ding the man taught us a few strokes and then off we went! 5 of us plus Travis we took the oc6 out for some warm ups and for myself to get a hang of it! Ding was laughing his ass away when 1. I took the steering paddle, 2. I forgot to change to right paddle from left and 3. I couldn't change in time. So much for his 'team spirit'. Then we tried to switch seats too. I had problems going up the oc!): After a few more rounds, more oc1s were taken out, and the oc2 was brought out as well.

I got to paddle the oc2 with Ding! We raced with Ben and Andy who were on oc1s. We gave them a good handicap before we started and Mr Lim still think he won us. HAHAHAHA. Should have heard what Ding said about him, you could have died laughing. Went back to the shed and there was free food! Supped beehoon and a lot of drinks then we went out again. I took the oc1 this time and I thought it was quite okay, and very fun paddling out alone! Then I was wrong, I was actually going to make a right turn, then I paddled on my right, and I stepped the foot paddle on the right too! And the boat shifted and before I knew it I was drinking sentosa's water. NEHNEH, I was struggling to get onto the boat before Faizal shouted at me to go up from another side. GOODGAME.

After that we just slacked and played soccer/vollyball with Ah Dern and took a lot of pictures! Headed to Vivo kopitiam for dinner and then we had awesome chatting sessions, plus Ben and Jerry's!

Let's forget the world.

Still, she wants to hide

2007-07-06T10:06:00.000+08:00

A turn was taken and she knew it could never go wrong
despite all that frequent special moments
she still found a reason to hide,
to hide away from all that truth she could've known.

'This was it', it kept replaying in her head
How she trusted herself
building a barrier all around her to prevent any mistakes
But what went wrong?

It felt terrible,
pulling away from the facts
trying hard to lie
but only to know it's all in vain.

Again she wired herself to satisfactions,
satisfactions she would never have found in you.
Because you were nothing but lies,
Big. Fat. Lies.

She only wanted the truth.
But tears keep falling.

Spartans!

2007-07-01T23:33:00.000+08:00

SPC, ready and reach. SDBF 2007's the first ever dragonboat race in my life. And the first ever race with SPC. Saturday was the first day of the event, only rowed for Women's 10 men boat. Got to row with strong paddlers like Rina, Machiko and Daphne. Nick was our drummer and Susan our steer. Not forgetting my partner, Jacq!

Nick really pushed us on throughout the race. The start was good, there was the glide. But there wasn't enough pause, not enough drive. But oh well, it was a good fight. We came in forth, so it wasn't that bad. Gotta buck up in trainings for the ladies. (Nick said my strokes were good!) And that's VERY GOOD. Hahaha.

Didn't get to race on Sunday but oh well, I'm still in the noooobcake crew.:D The 20 men mixed did an excellent job. And their hardwork paid off with a third placing in the open. Good job SPC. After the Finals, Ding got the WHOLE icebox with ice and water on him, I think he was screaming in his head. HAHA. Then there was war! Like kids playing with water in kampongs. Literally. Anyone who walked past our tent would have gone, aw remember those kampong days where we threw water at each other? HAHA. Went over to some kopitiam for our own SPC prize presentation.

Left for Weizheng's house after that. There was the usual, Ahdern, Ben, Stanley, Tommy and Travis. Michelle, Kyo, Ding, Sher, April and Debbie joined us after their little fun at the kopitiam with free beer and seafood. HAHA. Out came the table and the mahjong set! It was whack of a time, I sooooooper cannot stop laughing at Stan. He's the joke man. HAHA.

No, it's not suppose to be like that.

This is a song that doesn't end

2007-06-24T00:07:00.000+08:00

It's been a while since I woke up so early for the whole of this week. Dragged my feet all the way to the very sandy Kallang and met up with the Spartans. Oh and saw mighty o'bel!:D The Royal Bank people came down for some rowing today and the kids just tompang the boat out to play.

Headed over to the shore and practise strokes. And Kallang's water IS freaking gross, all of us stepped inside and we were like what the heck is that at the bottom. And Ben just hopped around screaming. Sherlyn, April, Debbie and I couldn't stop laughing. That googoo got to steer today! But on Ding's call(AND GO!), he almost fell!

When the Royal Bank people left, it was just April, Debbie, Sher, Dern, Tommy, Stanley, Travis, Ben, Ding and I rowing the boat out. He taught us pacing, stroke pauses and the movement of the boat.

With the lot of us drenched in Kallang water, we went over to kopitiam for lunch. All the fungry spartans unleashed. Then training with the team from 2-4pm and the weather was just nice. 6 sets of 1000m race piece, the last few sets were unpresentable, my power wasn't there by that time, technique gone, mental was needless to say. Got soooooooper frustrated with some people/things/noises and plus my hand was chui alr, so thank you, good game, byebye.

On a lighter note, dinner was great, company was great. And for dessert, a nice train ride all the way home(:

You foolish girl

2007-06-19T00:24:00.000+08:00

Train-ed to YCK and cabbed over to weizheng's for bbq today! Was quite fun and we found very very crude stuffs in Stanley's laptop. The drumstick was damn nice and the mushrooms too.

Wa, very shag today! Gymmed in the morning!
Goooooooodnight world!

With the sound of your voice

2007-06-18T00:28:00.000+08:00

Time to update bout my HOOOOOOLIDAYS!
Shall start from last Wednesday. Cos I can only rmb what happened from Wednesday onwards. HAHA, had some golf appreciation thing at Seletar Country Club and I wouldn't say it's fun maxima, but it was, an eye opener. I'm starting to appreciate it. Serious! Maybe pick it up after I pass my driving test. HAW. Freaking tired cos I rmb I woke up at some unearthly 7am just to be on time to school. Headed to town and walked around, then headed to KALLANG for some rowing! I was dead by the time I finished bathing, training was power pack man. That's not the end of it man. Headed to Clarke Quay to look for my darlings Kay and Kim, headed to Clinic for some drinks then we went over to Mambo. My legs almost gave way while queueing. Facks. By 4am, CHUI MAX.

Reached home at 10am after knocking out at Kay's. Had a lovely chat over the phone then I plop straight into deep sleep until 4.30pm. Then I realised I WAS LATE to meet Mr Model. AHHA. Cabbed down to Clarke Quay and walked over to MOS for the Mooks fashion party. Kinda slacked there with the GLs. Whole thing started at about 11pm. Turnout was pretty disappointing. Hurhur. But ohwell, cabbed home after that and didn't stay for the party cos somebody couldn't stay. HAHA.

Friday! Driving in the morning! Super fun man, although I can't stop laughing cos my instructor keep scolding me. Uturns, lanes changing and what nots. Bloody heck, I cannot focus dudee. Met DUMBBB at AMK then headed over to Sentosa. Saw the OC boats, pretty cool! Shall go for OC after SDBF. Weehaw. Met Mummy at Shangri-La then went to Vivo and Daddy picked us up, then to Bedok to pick The Son. HAHA. Dinner was awesome!(: And Happy Birthday to the best Daddy in the world!(:

Saturday morning saw me at Kallang again! Training was POWER PACK man, seriously. Bad weather cos it kept raining after we finished bathing. So the bunch of small kids ran in the rain to catch the bus. Soles itched after that! NEHNEH. Marina Square for lunch after that! Andddddd I GOT MY FIRST PADDLE! Jieping is happy. :D Went home I saw 3 dents. FUUUCCKKKK! HAHA. Went to Raffles City to queue for DONUTS! Dern sub sub people's donuts only. HAHA. While queueing we actually passed time by playing card games. Damn innovative, and 2 hours passed like, vvrrrrooooooooooooomm! Went over to grandparent's to celebrate Daddy's birthday!:D

Sunday, KALLANG again dude! 10 sets of 800m and Ding is a liar. Woooots. But still, last piece was damn cooooool. HAHA. No need to keep boats! Kio (spell) drove us girls to Beach Road after fetching the guys there. Had prawn noodles and it was suuuuuperb. And more Vitamins today, thanks to Ah Ding. Stan's damn funny.

I'm done updating! :D

Tell me your heart's here with me,
and no where else.
But somehow, she makes you happier.

The yellow train

2007-06-11T23:31:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 18 BIRTHDAY DARLING! Okay it's pretty late, but jst haven't got the urge to BLOGGGG. Term break's official and since Friday I have been going out consecutively for 4 days now. Hurhur. Nothing but shopping and plain enjoyment. (:

Had swim team's first holiday training today and it was helluva SLACKKK one man. Just did drills and used flippers and some plunging where I almost got my body stuck onto the floor. HAHA.

After that had lunch with Natalie! She's super funny and she's my bitching partner. Wurhurhur. Then headed to Vivooooo! Super shag man today. I keep falling asleep and somebody got drunk ytd that he just won't admit! HAHA.

Tell me everything was real baby.

One box of gummy bears

2007-06-05T01:28:00.000+08:00

You gave me another reason to believe,
to stop hating the world.
I've had plenty of laughters and tears for this week,
I'm locking these precious moments away in my heart.

We'll stay this way and watch the rest of the sunrises and sets.

Cause I need to know

2007-06-03T23:14:00.000+08:00

AH, I didn't blog for so long man. Not exactly my fault because you see I'm just so in love with that previous post song that I don't want it to go off from the top of my posts! Still, life goes on.

Yesterday db at Kallang was quite slack. Only about like 8 sets of 500m and 300m, 4 each. But apparently Nick wasn't too happy about the trng ytd.

Today I woke up super early again to head down to Kallang half awake. I'm so effing tired I wanted to sleep on the train but my eyes just won't shut. Reached Kallang, met Trey, Stan, Lionel and Sherlyn before we headed to SPC shed. Haw. Weather's hot baby. Today's trng was a killer, alright it wasn't that exaggerating but it was enough to suck all my energy out. Had a mini race with Great White Sharks (?) and we lost, oh well they had a full men boat. Then we raced with Canadian dragons and we lost to them also. Haha, but they were really nice people.

Michelle's brother dropped me at Cityhall. Ah she's super lovely!

Headed around Raffles City and got myself a new purse. Loved the new look. Headed for lunch then walked over to National Library to study. And I mean study! I finished my CMA, like finally. Wrestled a little at the library and making a din before heading for dinner at Bugis KFC. Walked around before heading home.

Thanks for the journey home, it was nothing but splendid.
I've got a priceless day spent, how bout you? (:

I would sing to you

2007-06-01T01:26:00.000+08:00

Speaks more than words do.

It's been quite some time

2007-05-31T01:43:00.000+08:00

I don't yearn for this mixed emotions to come up to me regularly. But for once after such a long time, it did.

Once again, I teared without a single reason that came to my mind.

Sometimes I felt though I'm at the top of the world, at times I feel as though it was cold war.

As I made another attempt, one of which I tried a gazillion times, I can't help but realise it's all in vain.

Was it going to be just fine? Or would these tears keep falling.

Uno, dos, tres

2007-05-25T08:16:00.000+08:00

And voila. La Fura dels Baus:D Past couple of days saw me heading back and forth from home to Padang, Padang to home. I'm SUPER shagged now. Only 4 pathetic hours of sleep for the past few days I could sleep hanging in mid air. So Lin Na and I went for the volunteery La Fura dels Baus (dreams in flight) opening at the Padang. So she and I we're both suspended 40m in the air with only the harness carrying us. Damn pain la okay. I got bruises over me and blue black. But oh well it was fun up there.

Okay so I didn't blog about Sports Camp DND 07. It was just great(: The food, the company, the loving. I will upload the photos later cos I'm in my photography class now. HAHA. (Mudd I promise your picture will be up laaaaaa)

Loved the post DND, stoning away in the hotel was never better.
Fell asleep right on your shoulders, I dreamt a little dream.(:

Why keep it all in

2007-05-17T23:55:00.000+08:00

She knew it was an awful feeling. One that got to her, bad. It was a long journey but through it all she managed to contain her tears, cos if she didn't, thing would turn from bad to worse.

Met my darling in town and we headed to find our 'equipment' for our little surprise on Dinner and Dance this Sat at Grand Copthorne. I can't wait for tmr cos darling's coming over(: I had a superb night with her. And thanks for cheering me up.

Now I'm fine like always, smiling very widely, it was just a half an hour talk but it seemed like the best 30 minutes I could ever ask for. My day was bad but you made up for it(: Thank you.

Jieping is a happy girl!:D

Hey Lyla

2007-05-14T00:36:00.000+08:00

There's nothing much more to say but I love you girls. Thanks for being there for me and I wouldn't forget those bitchful nights. :D Much more to come! <3

Don't let it get me

2007-05-12T00:57:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired of coming home every single day hearing the same few repeated sentences. I really don't feel the warmth anymore, I'm sad, not because of a simple lecture, I'm sad, because I can't feel anything anymore. It doesn't seem to be the way it used to be anymore. I'm sad, this is just so depressing. There's no one who really understood what I needed and what I want and I hate it when there is no road to turn to. None of you tried. You just thought it was justified to lecture me without asking me a single thing. It is just so not fucking justified. It wasn't just before I had this type of feeling. I feel loved by friends around me and that was it, but it shouldn't be this way. Nobody tried to put themselves in my shoes. Nobody praised me for doing well. Nobody was there when I needed them. Nobody know how I feel.

I'm really tired and I don't know what I'm going to do. I hate the way things are. And I hate even more, myself. My world is really spinning and I just want to get out of it.

Fast.

Can we take a ride and back

2007-05-08T23:09:00.000+08:00

I'm blogging cos there's this reason to blog. It's been a long 5months since I stepped out of a relationship. But is it the feeling of being missed, or the touch of a loved one that leaves me in nothing but tears which I can't even contain. Hey, this feeling feels familiar. He's got nothing to lose if I just hold on. They don't really see what's in this little soul of mine and unleashed, my heart turns sour my eyes become swollen. There was no one or nothing I could really rely on, only the 3kg Dell Inspiron 6000. Every single night it brings my morale lower, and I recalled how I used to tell myself it was going to be as easy as ABC.

There was nobody who could understand what I feel this very second. Sometimes I really ask myself: Why smile when it is fake? This torment I put myself through it's not coming to a standstill. I thought it was, but matter of fact it isn't. You put lies together so perfectly, you lie to the world around you and you lie to me. I would put myself away in jail just to see you change. This feeling I can't carry on for at this point of time I am just going to break down and go back my old ways.

I've been living with a shadow over me

2007-05-03T22:34:00.000+08:00

Labour day saw me going to the zoo with my sweetest dumby(: Walked around CCK NTUC and bought some tidbits and gummy bears! Then we bus to the zoo and we were like some amused kids walking around in there aimlessly. Didn't get to feed the roos): oh but we saw a lot of animals. We watched the Polar Bear show, then we headed to the sealion show there. It was like the highlight of the day! I raised my hand to volunteer like a really retarded small kid and got kissed by the sealion. And omg I swear it stinks like dkghzfasfdhgz. HAHA, stupid fishy smell.

Oh on the way back we fell asleep in the bus. We were that tired okay, and that person is desperately trying to control himself from falling off his seat. Haha. I slept super soundly. :D

I wanna zoo with pepper!

Come to me with open arms

2007-04-26T23:28:00.000+08:00

Today was a long day for me. Had no mood for photography IS today at all cos my mind seemed to be elsewhere. I don't know where, really. After photography headed down to MICA building at Clarke Quay for interview for the performance for the Opening Act Dreams in Flight. I saw a short video of what they're gonna do and everything and it seemed like some pretty fun stuff. Suspended in air and spinning in wheels. I'm totally hyped up about it. (Though it's really voluntary and I might die) Haha. 23 and 24 May will be the training and 24th night is the media coverage. 25-27 would be the actual performance. I can't wait, really! This Sunday I heard that I'm wanted at SPC trng. Haha. I don't want ugly tan lines!

I realised I haven't been blogging for a long time and that's bad. REALLY BAD. Cos it means less visitors. Hello you. Headed to Vivo after my interview and had dinner with Michelle. Signed up for a job application for the team crew at Boost Juice. Haha.

Michelle's my strong woman!:D I drank banana milk and normal milk today. I feel happy. Oh and I gymmed:D

All I wanna do is find a way back into love

2007-04-21T00:16:00.000+08:00

Okay I've been wanting to blog these days, I'm serious. Driving's never been better. I improved like so much and I'm awfully proud of myself. Driving around the circuit was freaking smooth and despite the fact that there were a lot of slow cars in front of me, I managed to overtake a few. I just pray hard I don't get rusty with the wheels because next lesson I would be heading out! Scared max. School's quite fun, since it's like only the first week of school. Which includes lectures, playing and not forgetting reaching home late.

I shall be motivated to wake up early tmr to gym then head out for OC at sentosa. I don't know why, but I feel something pulling me to join SPC. It's just the commitment baby the commitment. Sigh. Now with polo, swimming, sch lessons, driving, ssc and work, how to commit.

Today kinda was a 'lepak' day. Like I love the last day of school the most. Watched this movie called Say Anything by Hugh Grant with Mudd and Kay in the library. Hugh Grant is cute! And I kept wanting to fall asleep. Met Meeds, Hardi and Sherlyn and we went t Bugis for Seoul Garden. Ultra sinful please): I still feel the bloat now. Ugh. We stoned away at National Library and I kept laughing non-stop (and super loud)cos it's funny how those messages I sent using Hardi's phone to Dzul, Azli, Clemence, Chinny, Dave and Aung are replied. HAAHAHAHAHAHA. I can't stop laughing even when I think about it now.

Headed to tea party after that and kinda chill out and all. Had scones! Yummy. I want more of SSC loving.

I'm putting these confessions on hold.

Welcome to the stone age

2007-04-16T14:37:00.000+08:00

I'm practically stoning my way away outside co-op now. Haven't been updating but I actually had the intentions to! Just that everytime I log in, I'd be busy chatting away or booking my practical dates or just listening to music soothing my soul. Today saw me waking up at like 6.30am subconsciously and kinda dragged my feet outta comfort zone and skipped breakfast to head down to BBDC on time. Journey there never seemed that long before. Second lesson today and oh my God I swear to you, it felt like a roller coaster ride to me. Cos at every sharp bend, I seem to be swerving in and out. Brake clutch hold clutch accelerate okay let go a little, blah blah. I almost died even if the Instructor didn't. But he was a really funny slash weird guy. Went for CEM lecture and it was boring as always.

You can smash me into little pieces
but you can't stop me from doing what I like
Don't put your life at stake
It was never meant to be this way

Yes tonight

2007-04-12T00:48:00.000+08:00

I'm back to revive this blog. BAoc was quite a success I think, and although there were much hoo-has previously but I just really don't want to go into it so sorry to those who asked about bAoc and society. Basically, now my worry is swim team and driving. Haha. The AGM's been postponing a lot and due to budgetary measures we couldn't really go with the plan and all that. Plus we've got cca fiesta to do, booth to decorate and those little little stuff like going down to Arena to do this and that. Major plus! I'm going to help out for waterpolo's booth (that's if they have one) to pull people into the girls' team. I hope it'd be a success! Tmr will be FunDay and gotta help with ushering together with SSC. I really can't wait to get my hands on the wheels! Aloy kinda cleared my doubts bout how BBDC works and I actually went to book my first practical lessons already. Haha, I can't wait really! And God bless me to get over my BTP, BTE and BTT in a jiffy! I have no mood to work at all seriously but with no moolahs in your pocket, you just need to work your butts out. Anyway, I'm out for now for I hope I can wake up in time tmr for bAoc or else. Haw haw.

Ahgong I miss you!):

Break this unbreakable bond

2007-04-06T01:02:00.000+08:00

Sports Camp 07/08 has finally ended. Not being cliche or what but I really miss every single one who went through this together with me.

Friday
Headed to school to finish up on our group identities and letterbox. Had fun with the lot before heading for waterpolo with a few other people and Edmund Oh. HAHA. Tim you owe me one for hitting the ball straight at my head. It was fun really, now I know why polo people have nice legs. After that went to meet up with Kim, Fig, Ken, Aloy, Sherlyn, Yun, Jaycob, SSC committee and a lot of the helpers. Put all our barangs barangs in the dorm before Aung drove us in a lorry to MOS. Ken was super hilarious while on the truck, getting high before any alcohol. There was like about 20 odd 30 of us? We had a super awesome night together, like so unforgettable.

Saturday
After clubbing we headed to Al Ameen for breako. When we reached school, most of them knocked out while I suggested to go swimming. So pretty darling Kim accompanied me to swim. Showered then we knocked out. Woke up in the afternoon, headed out with the group to Queensway to get our shirts and what nots. spent about 100bucks plus for the group. Oh my tian.

Sunday
Freshies strolled in and they all looked really freaking innocent, before we started bombarding them with all kinds of stupid jokes and ice breaker games. Headed for CCA showcase - Floorball, Canoe Polo, TAS, Volleyball etc. Why no swim team! SHAITS. That was bout all for the first day.

Monday
Dragonboat at Kallang, PT in the morning, night treasure hunt at night. Haha. :D

Tuesday
Station games in the morning and noon and camp fire night at night. HAHA. Oh btw, Czums put up a damn good skit, everyone is proud of you, I feel even more proud for you guys. Basically everyone kinda enjoyed the night? Ducky and the rest kept scaring the shit out of me. Okay and I got drawn on while sleeping. I really couldn't take it and I freaking needed the freaking sleep. Haw. So the GLs kinda had fun drawing on me. Their laughters are really damn scary.

Wednesday
Love the last day, as always. Pay back time, haw haw haw. Got paint all over, basically everyone got dirtied. I just really hated the butter hill cos everytime I smell butter, I will feel vomitish. Facks. Our groupie won the loudest cheer group so I'm kinda glad. Debriefed and met the rest of the GLs in our dorm. After shower and all we headed to Ameen again for dinner. Bala and Spence was accompanying me the whole time. Awesome friends. Went back and fell asleep immediately cos I was too freaking tired. Really. Like I walk slanted for the past few days, oh and drank Pei Pa Koa like water. One bottle in a day, then stomachache at night. In the middle of the night saw Mudd, Winston, Ducky, Spence applying pricky heat powder and shampoo all over my head, but the colgate they got on my hand was smeared on Mudd's shorts cos surprisingly I woke up in time while they were laughing away. Did I not mention I headed to 04-09 and thought of chatting with the rest of the comm and before I knew it Mede, Syafi and Leen held me down after a long struggle and Leen happily applied deep heat on my ass. She's freaking going to get it from me, soon! I went home with deep heat on my ass, imagine please.

I enjoyed myself a lot during this camp despite the less than 5 hours sleep every night. Tobu is awesome, comm is love and GLs are THE SEX. Despite all that hard time we've been through tgt as CGLs, I'm sure all of them are finally heaving a sigh of relief and I'm even more certain our friendship doesn't end like that, tragically. Those tears, those pressure, those screwings by comm, those pumpings we did tgt, are safe in a secluded spot in my heart and I swear it's irreplaceable. I love each and every CGL cos they made this difference in my life, Kim, Daph, Alicia, Bala, Nestie, Yun and of course Fig. I love you guys.:D

We're definitely nothing without the rest of the team, the GLs. The item performance was awesome and actually, we're ninjas.(: Love you guys. The hard work we've been through mean a lot and I'm sure our journey doesn't just end here too. Let's get this friendship going.(:

Tobu is awesome k. Anyone who disagrees will get it from me.:D Haha.

CCs you all did well, made much improvements and thanks a lot too.

Okay although the last day emo songs kinda made me teared but we all didn't want it to end so soon right. Haha. I'm talking nonsense cos my eyes are closing again. Everyone's missed and see you all soon.(: <3

Could this be out of line

2007-03-28T02:43:00.000+08:00

I was just looking through the Sentosa pictures with Baksai. And somehow I could still hear the laughters ringing at the back of my head. She's precious and like a diamond that needs care and shelter to continue shining. Through tough times and good time we had it all together. We've wasted our time, which made us stronger people. We've got through the lowest lowest point in life and now we're reaching for the highest. I'll fix us two rich aromatic cups of coffee and we will stay up till the break of dawn to let our inner souls run wild.(:

You'll be the first pessenger I pick, but that's too early to say isn't it, considered I just enrolled myself 4 good hours ago for 3C driving course at BBDC. I simply can't wait. Jerel's next. Don't want to waste any of my time cos life's short, haha and being the typical Singaporean, I'll head down to BBDC tmr with Tim to complete my enrolment and he'd be renewing his PDL. Much thanks to Jerms for explaining to me with so much patience despite my stoopid questions and telling me A is A and B is B.

Had an awesome day today with SSC at booth, and Leen, Ange, Jay, Sherlyn, Yun, Ameer, Jaycob, Sammie, Henry, Spence, Jiazhi, Hardy and Dave. I love listing names I don't know why. From FEP to Pacific Plaza to Wheelock to Cine to PS. It gets better and better.(:

Fill this one right

2007-03-26T23:00:00.000+08:00

These few days been really tiring and busy. First Czums, then NPST, then work. Every Czums meeting held, it's not being a bastard or what, but I tried to make everyone come for the meeting, so nobody misses out on nothing. But after a while, it's kinda ~~fucked~~ to know that people aren't coming cos of work, blah and what nots. I'm not blaming. Czums stand with or without the presence of some at meetings. We all have our own lives to lead. Attempts to earn a 'Great job done' just leaves me nowhere. Failing as a CGL brings me and my hopes even lower. Responsibilities pile themselves up one by one, making every single one met near impossible. With these enough to make me run wild, I can't keep my mind away from unwanted thoughts, thoughts that just leave me in tears. I can tell Mr Abuser that emo is bad, I can tell Mestie to quit talking to jerks but what can I tell myself. Somehow, repeating the same things in my head don't work. They just don't. Time spent crying over spilt milk could be used to do so many things. But when this feeling kicks in, what can we do. You can tell me, she can tell him, he can tell her we all move on in life. I know that theory too cos I've heard that a thousand and one times. Application is too much to take. I can picture myself fainting in 5. Just shoot it. Life's taking one big turn I don't know why. Accusations are thrown about for no giraffe reasons. People whom you trusted are no longer in the circle. Friends whom you thought were, they are not there to back you up. I'm not being emo, just vomitting everything out. Vomitting. I really want to move on. How am I going to do so with you walking to and fro my mind.

IM FUCKING TIRED.

She was his star for many nights

2007-03-22T21:26:00.000+08:00

TODAY WAS FUN. First day of recruitment drive was such a blast. Erm there wasn't very loud responses cos we were fighting next to NPSU's FOC. RHEOUH. Damn sian please, like those small kid's faces were like, huh huh which camp which camp? Oh so it's compulsory lah! Aiya I join FOC alr lah! And blah blah blah. Haws. But whatthehecknathan, haha, we had a lot of fun:D Thu Aung is my new hairstylist and Mark is The Abuser. That a**hole.:D Ooooh I piggybacked Eileen today. Haha. That freaking 190 girl? Haw, many loves. Huiyu is damn hilarious too.

Anyhoots, gonna work for opening of Phantom of the Opera tmr! Can't waits. Angela will be too! There'll be cca fiesta briefing tmr too! Can't waits can't waits.

Mix of emotions. (Hey, laugh it off) Thank youuuu ahgong and YZY. :D

Same scene different cast

2007-03-17T23:56:00.000+08:00

He told me I was beautiful,
How did you know,
How did you know,
Cos I've played same scene too.

In the waters she seeks her solace
Letting the treadmill take over her mind, body and soul
The clanging of the weights that just escapes into her mind
For it has, because of you, become a torment in her life.

Popped that drink down, a concoction of her tears, a dash of hope and dreams
Wasn't long before it got the better of her
Sometimes fate brings us together and it breaks us apart
When it does, we all find life a living hell.

To those who bothered to care, getting back up on feet seemed near impossible
As crumbling into bits and pieces were simplified
Whatever is going to make you happy?
Whatever is going to make you smile?

This life is breaking down.

Thank you for loving me

2007-03-07T23:54:00.000+08:00

6March07 was the best I ever had and not forgetting the most memorable one. Haw. Simply adore Sports Camp GLs 2007/2008. One big humongous surprise from Sammie, Midori, Lindi, Huz, Karmen. Lovely flowers, thanks again. Spent the afternoon away with SSC Comm, Helpers and not forgetting everyone present. We've got a passionate cake fight. Pool games were quite alright. Ducky seemed really wrapped in chocolate cake. Went swimming after that with the gang.

Headed to Al Ameen with most of them and had some fun there.(:

Went over to Hong Yun's with Becks to put down stuffs, drink milk and kinda prepared for the dinner. Cabbed down and picked Ameer up before we headed to Bather's.

Gorgeous darlings at the dinner:
Michelle bestie
Yunxin
Yeejie
Sabrina
Joe
Jason
Mede
Chinny<3
Sherlyn
Ameer
Hong Yun
Becks
Much thanks to Joe and Jason for getting the erm, ultra sinful cake. :D Cabbed to Clarke Quay, met up with Bala and Cuiling. And we drank by the river(: THE RIVER.

Oh and not forgetting the wishes from the many many special people in my life:
Clement Fang
Clement Ong
Jordy Banana
Becks
Brenda
Jerms
Winson
Morgan
Amelia cous
Mark
Chris
Shaun
Karmen
Hong Yun
Nic
Tim Tay
Korkor (blood)
Lindi
Jolene darl
Darylyn
Karen
Sammie
Midori
Ernest
Huz
Debbie lover
Chihui
Edlyn cous
Guomin cous
Nat
Mori
Daisy
Gail
Andy
Puiyin
Sebastian
Lowyon
Stephanie
Denise
Jordus
Reuben
Pris
Tng

And to the most important people in my life, who've made me come this far, who were there to catch me when I fall, who were there to share my 'I-did-well-for-my-50m breast!' days, who lent a listening ear whenever I needed and not forgetting who were there for me silently:

Michelle bestie (It's 5 years and going strong. Be strong k, love you heaps)
Chinny (It's been 1 year and I can say this friendship is not going to falter(: Love you plenty too sweetest)

A fool who'll never see the truth

2007-03-05T00:25:00.000+08:00

I could still recall the very first thing you bought for me.
It is not illegal, so please let me be there for you
though you never stay who you are.
It just wasn't enough.
I could see images of you smiling widely.
So I was perfectly fine, but I didn't picture you being upset.
Be strong k.
(:

It's not you it's me

2007-03-02T00:40:00.000+08:00

Some days I feel broke inside, but I won't admit.
Would you tell me I was wrong.
There's nothing I wouldn't do, to have just one more chance.
To look into your eyes and see you looking back.

Pacing by the train that went by every 35 minutes.
Turning back time was like an attempt to fly.
I really see no point.
You're physically there, but not mentally.
I really don't see no point.
It's impossible.
And afterall to find the reason for living gone.

Sometimes I just wanna hide, cos it's you I miss

2007-02-28T01:21:00.000+08:00

Of those misses since you've been away.

Those crappy nights I've been having landed me in Sentosa suntanning away with Mich bestie. Those tram rides, fish and crab hunting (srsly more like killing), sleeping away under the scorching heat, swimming in the very clean pool, having drinks after drinks and bites at Cafe Del Mar (Idea, that place), luge rides and spastic laughters + vodka at white dog. Scratch your head if you must. We got so high, so high. <3

Of those times jerks who are dead on breaking hearts
Keeping track of you and me
You see this road ahead of us girl,
It's only so dull
But it makes a perfect picture with you and I.(:

Chin up! Everyone's here to help you. You know I'm talking to you :D

Letting go all I've held on to

2007-02-27T01:46:00.000+08:00

These tired thoughts racing through my mind.
The sugar content is causing those nervous breakdowns.
And you make me want to throw up.
Can you see this life moulded in your hands.

This feeling was supposed to go.

So predictable

2007-02-21T23:54:00.000+08:00

Wheeee. Today was a longggg but awesome day spent. Yeah it all started when I woke up late for meeting though I promised Joyce I wouldn't be late. Sorry lah dear. (: Our dear Maths wizard is late too, and not forgetting the big ol Henry. We walked round and round and waited for the shops at Queensway to open. But it took ultra long to open so we headed to Ikea for some meatballs(: Then we kinda dragged our lazy feet back to Queensway. The shops we wanted to see didn't open. Best. So we went to Art Friend at Taka to look for materials and what nots. Kinda decided on our little flag and identity and the barangs barangs lah. I've got a buncha crappy GLs. Many <3s. Joyce accompanied me to Lido to look for Mummy and Daddy. They fetched me home and dropped Joyce at HV. Neighbour! :D Changed and MRT-ed to Orchard to meet up with the Bather's cliquey for some company dinner shit. There were a lot of people! Yong Leng came, so did Alvin, Davena, Pel, Peter, Kel, Johnny, AhBoon, Wallice (spell) and we saw Aunty June :D We ate at her Jap restaurant. The sashimi was awesome(: And we had like free flow of Sakae, beer and red wine. My first taste of Sakae. It was kinda sweet. After much eating and chatting the guys were still hundry and half drunk. HAHA. We headed to Modesto's or something at Orchard Parade Hotel, next to Black Angus. The pizza's not bad! So is the foccacia bread. Hur. Had free flow of Russian Vodka and cranberry juice this time. Haha, sat a while before Mummy picked me up. It was hella fun. Pel is like a big brother to me! :DD

Banana is like so not nice, I didn't get any chocolates. HAHA.

Slowly she's wearing off

2007-02-21T00:55:00.000+08:00

Tell me, has Chinese New Year ever been better? Yup I had hell lotsa fun this CNY. Talk abt the first day, got up rather late and kind of stumble out of bed and headed to Granny's place. Got a heap of angpows from Granny's siblings who came over and their children. I finally realised who are those people. I never knew who they were. Hur. Headed to Everton Park, then to Pine Grove then to Changi. Freaking tired and fell asleep here and there.

Second day was much funner. Met up with the cousins and Xavier baby darling came over, and so did Raphael and Zidane! Omg they're dam cute please. Oh and I accompanied Zidane and built bridges with him. He's dam adorable. Raphael is <3. Xavier is still a baby so cant play much, except carry him and swing him around(: Oh oh oh, then 3 of them cried. HAHA, havoc. Oh then headed to another cousin's place. Oh and I realised I forgot to message Banana when I was supposed to! Hahaha. Was at Boon Lay for a while before meeting up with Clem Ong at Beauty World for some pool. You trashed me, so? Haha. But Becks and I owned you at that game we played. Haha. Down Clem Ong, down! Not everyday is Sunday love. :D So the starving 3 of us headed to Essential Brew for dinner. Crap we had a hell of a time there. Then Pris joined us. Shit la, she's bloody full of crap. HAHAH. We played like a lot of games until it was like near the cafe's closing time. Hur.

<3s many you people.

Now I'm heels over head

2007-02-13T22:39:00.000+08:00

Don't give me all sorts of reasons which just immensifies the hatred. I refuse to let you get the better of me but you just cleverly succeeded. Your lies; I'm seeing through every single one of them.

Yeah, I want some chocolates tmr. Banana, buy me some chocolates k. You're gonna get your ass down to MOE wouldn't you. :D I think I scared you with some stuffs I said. Haha, just take it as a drunk person talking. Haha. I want chocolates.

I'll be running right behind you

2007-02-12T00:30:00.000+08:00

Today I went to fix my cocked up phone, full stop. Oh I saw Alvin my colleague from Bather's! Haha. And I saw Alson and family. My childhood friend. I still remember how we used to fight over Lego's and we'll end up like "Damn it, the morning shift people destroyed our Lego house". Haha, that was way back then. And Alson's all grown up now. Just like how Mark is too! Those childhood days. So my parents and I walked around Suntec and I ended up getting a new phone. Cos the old one is just too screwed. Daddy doesn't know how to order corn ice. Went back to Granny's and watched those draggy Chinese dramas with my cousin again. Haha. Oh I saw Tim at HollandV. :D Slipper buddy.

Jordan. down by the river says:
say.. JORDAN IS A NICE GUY!!!

Jordan is a lazy ass.

You and I both loved

2007-02-10T23:55:00.000+08:00

You and I, we take a long walk into the night.

Yay today was a really sinful day! Macro exam was like a very chop chop 2 hours. But I think I had like a lottt of careless mistakes! ): No use whining about it right. So, haha, headed down to Bugis Street and walked around before I met up with Becks there! Gosh lovely lovely dearest sweetheart she is. We spent our afternoon being squashed in the crowd, shopping and bargaining. And finally, after those hours long retail therapy, we settled for tea at Intercontinental Singapore or something like that. Had cake, tea and coffee. We spent a lot of time chit chatting away there. (: After tea, we got our asses moving again to town! Went to have my pants altered and I saw Cenjun! The girl in the same boat as me. (: Blah blah then we talked about a lot of stuffs! And then, we walked from Far East Plaza to Cine. Saw Gina but I accidentally called her Ginni. Haha. Must be those frequent visits to the library with Ginni that's driving me insane.

Oh and Becks is love! :D

Scheisse

2007-02-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

FROWNS.

Never cease to amaze.

Anyone agrees, love is all we need.

Da Da Dums. Today was a rather fruitful day spent consulting Macro teacher and mugging my life away at the library. Oh and I saw Ginni, haha, and she taught me how to do Macro. Isn't she wonderful. I cannot help but notice how many great people I've met since I joined SC 07/08. It's like, those meetings we've been through and those trainings where we stuck tgt hand in hand, sweat in sweat. Haha. It's jst simply undescribable. :D

Jieping is not a fast swimmer.
Jieping loves swimming.
Jieping hates onions.
Jieping doesn't like laggy computers.
Jieping loathes anything that crawls.
Jieping is not for toying.
Jieping loves Michelle.
Jieping simply simply adores balloons.
Jieping is not emo!(:

It's Feburary already

2007-02-07T01:26:00.000+08:00

Yup, it's Feb alr and since Dec, it's been two good months. Like, Jan + Feb = 2 months. Ah yeah all that crap. Anyway, today was erm a very funny day. I woke up like on time, 8am though I slept at like 2am plus the previous night. I cooked cod! Inspired by Sabrina. Haha, dye-yert. Anyway, was watching TV while eating and this show caught my eye - The Oprah Winfrey Show. Haha. So I was watching and it was a story about this lady who was a drug addict and she would do anything to get her hands on cracks and heroine and all that. It's really really nice to see them after their intervention and they really look very beautiful. (Did I mention she was an intern at the White House? Yes she is.) She stole from her dad's drugs for his illness too. And having not seen her sister for 9 months, they were finally brought tgt again and it was really heart-warming. (: So the story of the next girl came thereafter. She was a teenager who uses razorblades to cut herself. And her reason - she felt dirty and un-loved. As a kid, she was being molested. And by her Grandmother. "Seeing the blood gush out makes me feel more alive." When she was out in the streets, she was mocked at and called a 'whore'. She went home and immediately cut herself. Her hands were carpeted with countless scars and so were her body. Her parents were devastated and so sent her for intervention as well. And it was evident of her change in behaviour and her attitudes to life.

I feel like I can write a drama series alr. Haha, kidding. :D Anyway, I had an awesome day at Esplanade with Lover studying. She's so afraid of the dark. <3

They are such, such beautiful people.

Do you still remember that day

2007-02-03T01:11:00.000+08:00

I'm really sick of this life as a gruesome routine. It gets harder and harder as the clock ticks by. I'm feeling all the strains and I'm wearing out. You just don't understand do you. Knock me out, flat, please. Bottoms up love.

While I stare at your DP laughing, banana.(: Thanks for being so helpful sending me those songs. I know you're gg to buy me chocolates though you have lessons and CCA. I know I know you are.

You can jolly well continue lying to me

2007-01-31T00:25:00.000+08:00

You really impressed me,
with all the things you did and how you could change,
just like that.

You continue lying to me, please.
For I cannot even bring myself to believe the things you say.
I don't even know who the fuck you are.

You're a liar in disguise,
and a playboy with an angel's mask,
you go around with a devil heart and toy with other people.

You made yourself into somebody whom I think I can never forgive,
and even if I do, I'd be lying,
oh wait who cares.

You can jolly well burn in hell and nobody will be at your funeral,
cos LIARS GO TO HELL.

Down one glass of vodka,
Baby I'm moving on.
You can continue playing with girls,
and I'll become a stronger person.
Quit those 'become good friends' and 'I still care for you' blah what not good ol shit.
And oh, 'I want to make it up to you'?
Maybe you can start by running cross the highway during the peak hours huh.
Then I'm gonna smile, dust those dirt off, and walk away.
Just like you did(:

Hello loved one(:

It's really good to hear your voice

2007-01-28T22:58:00.000+08:00

You made it seem real easy and I know it is just another simple routine for you. I try so hard not to disclose my feelings and emotions so simply and hope that I could continue lying to you. I look around and everything still reminds me of you and all the things we did. And all the things we did which I never once forgotten which you might probably have. Of those we promised not to hurt each other again and still. They're like your weapons, they attack me, each and every one. By the time I find the courage and strength to fight them off, the next one comes. This IS a vicious cycle.

And this is why I'm incapable to reveal my true feelings to you.

Oh darling darling stand by me

2007-01-28T01:46:00.000+08:00

Yay! No more IVP! Whilst at the competitor's stand today, I was literally freezing my butt out and I was really nervous, like I don't know why too. It's normal, isn't it. Terry and I were like stretching till the very last second before we had to walk to our blocks. Lane 5 for me and lane 6 for Terry! Okay I swear the wind was howling like mad and Terry and I didn't even dare to remove the school's jacket. Went up the block and I was shivering la! I could see my leg shivering while anticipating the sound of the horn going off. Then poof down the water. First 25m was smooth but the last 25m I was already half out of breath and I could see Terry speeding up. Could hear the team's cheering too. Managed to get a second for our heat but obviously not in the whole even itself. At least I'm satisfied with my timing. (:

After that the team were literally slacking and having fun than preparing for the relay. After IVP headed down to Holland Village and after much coin tossing we settled for Essential Brew. EB! (: Had the Jasmine Cod Fillet and it was awesome! We went to Haagen Dazs for chocolate fondue afterwards, with only Xian En, Tim, Andy and me left after Fiona and Terry left with Uncle Steven. We played Indian poker and gosh the amount of water we drank felt like gallons. Tim's probably camping in his house's toilet now. Oh and we swapped slippers. Till end of this week. Yes? No? :D You should see his big feet squished into my little slippers. Haha.

Gotta go have a little chat with my bed. It seems pretty lonely(:

Let us take a step forward and make this real

2007-01-27T00:06:00.000+08:00

Today seemed like a fast day. Just whizzed past like that. LMS was typically boring but Samantha Lau shared with us - Pui Yin, Jie Hui and me about her love life. Gosh her husband is drop dead sweet la. Anyways, headed to O'Brien's and had a sandwich before walking home from there. And then I plop down on the couch and slept all the way to four. Woke up and grilled salmon to eat and fill my empty stomach before heading down to school for trngs. Swam for a while and I think I should really try my best tmr, like what Figgy said. Rushed down to Block 5 for GL trng. Wow the lecture is awfully redundant cos I doubt anyone heard anything. Heh. Oh then came the splitting of groups. I thought I just went through hell la. It was scary. But I'm quite shocked that I made it to become CGL. Suddenly a lot of things went through my mind, but hey, we'll work this out tgt eh. :D Oh and yeah, got some nice team members. Okay tmr IVP swimming I'll just die if I don't hit the sack now and, I'll also die even if I hit the sack. Aiya, just what the heck. Swim swim swim.

Can you swim like a fish? Yes? Oh teach me how.

Like the dragonfly's wings need the wind

2007-01-26T00:21:00.000+08:00

I need you here like you've always been. Woke up lateeeee today and so headed down to vivo to study thinking that there was only lecture today. But my day was ruined early in the morning so I was frickin pissed. Stoned at Pacific studying and falling asleep. Bought a book called The Pact - bout greatest fear of parents when their kids grow up. Had apple strudel. My my. Had fruits for lunch - apple, grapes and strawberry. Bought some macadamia nuts home for mummy and slept on the bus again. Changed and I walked to Sunset Way to work. Believe it! I walked from Buona Vista to Clementi area. Took like half an hour to about 40 minutes. Had so much fun! And there was this guy working in the kitchen area from RPS. Payar Lebar Airbase one. That's where my cousin's at. Ho. He was previously from NP too.

Oh and tonight the GLs selection were out at www.npssc.blogspot.com. Gail didn't get in but some of them got in - Becks, Ami, Sam, Huz, Muz, Daddy, Sherlyn, Figo and what nots. Tmr's trng going to be a slack one, I guess? Oh well, absolutely worn out. I fricking need sleep la please. Let's see, tomorrow wake up at 6? Get ready by 7 and walk to school. Coolnesszxzxzxzxzzx la. :D

So there comes a man in pyjamas

2007-01-25T00:12:00.000+08:00

Hello bananakangaroo! This post is dedicated to you okay! You're a ~~stupidly~~ cool-but-funny-and-lame-person-trying-to-make-jokes-sound-funny-but-often-fails friend! Haha, what a start right. I'm really sorry for making you come all the way down to NgeeAnn for that carnival which was quite boring. Really sincere apologies! It was quite a failure I personally feel. Heh. Eh but I guess your friends had fun peeling oranges right. Haha. You could have simply won yourselves ten bucks.(: Well I'm glad you found the basketball court. Which I wouldn't go because it's like ten thousand and one miles away. :D

You really cleared the skies when everything was gray and wiped this smile across my face everytime I'm down. I felt I could open up to you so everything kinda spilt and you read somebody's story book! Haha, you're a wonderful friend la okay okay. And initially I thought you were kind of like the super dao person. Like awfully dao, haha. And I couldn't help when I heard about your injured toe that I kept laughing when you told me about it. Your ear drums would burst if you heard my laughters now. Haha. I can't help it. Sorry! Although most of the times I can't stand your stupid name callings but I guessed as much - childish guys. :D Kidding la. I know I still call you bananakangaroo.(:

Haha, I shall blog about my bananakangaroo another time if I have any new discoveries. Haha. Oh my darling girl, let me take you out on valentine's. I'd give you a bed of roses and I'll send you the angels from above. HAHA. Stupid 13th in line shit. Haha.

Sabrina

2007-01-24T00:36:00.000+08:00

I want to thank you for being here for me dearest. Thank you so much. I owe you one.(: This endless cryings have got to stop. And soon I'll be well over you. Mark my words.

Let's hit the start button again

2007-01-22T21:50:00.000+08:00

Seems like it was yesterday
When I saw your face
You told me how proud you were,
But I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside
But I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide
'Cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, ooh

Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Oh, I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, oh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself..
By hurting you

Love's in the air

2007-01-21T17:20:00.000+08:00

Love is in the airr(:

This fetish.

Absolute fetish.

IVP day one. Natalie Cheong, dearest!

Woke up at an unearthly 5.30pm. So not the usual time to wake up. Proudly to say, I made my own breakfast - sausage and 2 slices of bread. Daddy didn't want to fetch me to Republic Poly so I had to make my way there myself. Boarded the mrt which was flooded with funny smelling people. Like there was a weird smell when I went into the cabin. They were all men, no women at all. Do the linking. (: Met up with the team at Republic and started warming up and all. Well done to the entire team despite the fact that team NUS beside us looked extremely intimidating. o.o Went to town and had Fish & Co. at Wheelock Place. It was superb! Then everyone left and Xian En, Andy,Tim and I headed to Far East Plaza for some fried Mars Bar! I didn't eat cos I could see what was hiding behind the Mars bar - Sinful. Met the girls at Tanglin. Walked around the flea market with Sab and saw a nice pair of flats. Bought peach to chew on and some grapes from the Tanglin Market. Oh then we decided to go Citylink instead of hanging around town. So we bus to Suntec and in the bus some dog was barking at us. Irritating scheisse. Ho. Went to New York New York and we had bruschetta and pasta to share(: Loved it. Oh and we had some fun playing with the free cotton candy. Guess what, after that, we wanted to digest all that we ate and so we walked to Esplanade, then chatted and walked and chatted and walked all the way to Cineleisure. These walks are getting better and better(: Had dessert at TCC as usual. Then we all went home.

You caught me offguard. Aren't you good.

Hello Jordan I'm not sending your barangs to your house. Take yourself okay.

2007-01-19T11:02:00.000+08:00

Yay, we love.

And I miss these people, so dearly):

Oh and of course.(:

Oh cheerios. I didn't screw up my Macro test 2. Gotta prepare for BCA presentation review soon. Swim team is going for IVP day one tmr! Haha, can't wait. No more LMS and IAC, I'm happy shit. Mhmm. Had a bad night with dearest grandfather last night and yeah we're going to be fine aren't we. I want to turn back time, back, back to where we first were. I'd do all the necessary changes, all that's supposed to follow. And then I'll tell myself to be stronger and not succumb to those secret addictions which stole our souls. I won't let you climb all over me, lest you treat me mean and cruel and after which you tear it all apart, flick me off like a flicking off a fly. These scars they stay and they won't go. No they won't. These, resulted because of your reckless behaviour. These are what those people had made me and now your turn has reached. Do what they always do, like all the other.

Hello.(:

I will be the sun in the sky

2007-01-18T00:11:00.000+08:00

Thank you ~~Retard~~, oh maybe for starters I'll change your name okay, erm how about Bananakangaroo? Mhmm I like. (: Okay okay thank you for cheering up just now. Haha, kinda having a tough time now and yeah all that exams preparations and trngs and blah ain't helping. And there you go, with your 'retardedness' (sorry I can't help it!) it really perked me up. But still, there's this big big hurdle right in front of me that I'd need to cross before all is well. And until the time comes, I know you're gonna be retarded for me right! Haha. :D Your xue gao treat is still on me, no worries. Yup thanks for cheering me up.

Oh yeah, and I read everyone's blog and I always chance upon their past posts always about their 2006. And since I am such a 'thinker' I thought I should do a rough idea of my 2006. Alright here goes.

Gosh can I say it's been one hectic year. Of the year starts January, MI Toh Tuck. I've got to meet the best people I've ever met.
06S17 (PAE), Darylyn, Jessie, JBboy, Kiara, Cynthia, Theodora, Yixin, Shoots, Grace, Sham, Adeline Toi, Joanna, Steph, Raynard, Terry, Lloyd, Glenn Chee, Glenn Koh, Lowyon, Amos

After January comes admissions for JAE and got back our Olevel results, back to mother school to see all the familiar faces. Came up with decision to enter NP. Okay I didn't regret. (: April started and so did sports camp. I really met the bestest people in sports camp, some of which were especially true to me.
Gail, Firdauz, Amirul, Samuel, Karmede and not fogetting Chinwei. These are the people who were there and not forgetting Chinwei, the dearest person I would hold close and never let go.(:

Well, many things happened thereafter, dragonboat was yeah and so was netball and yeah I settled with swimming after a long time. Found out my class had so many wonderful funny people and I have no regrets at all. Joined BA society and honestly, my life would be much boring without these people. They were the ones who would brighten up my day and I wouldn't know what I'd be without them.
Rongde, Amelia, Mori, Rene, Brenda, Roxanne, Audris, Xiao Xuan, Wee Leong, Kevin, Shao Ping, Jerel, Jackey, Daisy

Well, definitely not forgetting the swim team. Those strenous trngs, I am sure to say that it would be worse without you guys. Everyone was a role model to me, for me to learn and push further to better results. Good luck to us for the upcoming IVP(:
Xian En, Terry, Amanda Lee, Henry, Daniel, Natalie, Melena, Jasmine

Well, these are the people that've left a mark in my 2006 life. As the year passed and we're stepping into 2007, they will continue to leave that mark and it will never go. But for some, who came at the start of the year, and left at the end of it, I'm sorry so much has been caused between us and I'm still trying very hard. I'd say thank you, for being part of the happiest moment of my life in 2006 and for being the unhappiest at the same time. When I was the happiest, it was you, and at my worst, it was you. I'm still trying hard, I am. But thanks, anyway.

And girls, I never forgotten you people too! Michelle, Sabrina, Yunxin, Yee Jie and Steffi. Thank you for being there, for sharing everything with me. Plenty loves.

Okay I guess enough of 2006. No point looking back, is there. I've only got 2007 to look forward to. (:

I've got better reasons

2007-01-17T00:24:00.000+08:00

Had sports camp GL trng and just got home after a good shower. Goodness gracious I forgot to bring extra clothings when I reminded everyone to. Written comm test was oh-kay and I'm sure those people who left early are either super fast writers or super fast thinkers. Puiyin was late because she decided to stay home and play audition. Trng was alright and there were a lot of people today, better than last Tuesday's. It's the final trng before selection and mhmm we all need a break. Yeah, that's about it.

Oh and Jayne, you can tell me my swimming is bad and my timing is slow but you can't tell me what to do(: So if you've got a problem with my slow timing you can come find me at NP Block 72.(:

You'll be my vacation away from this place

2007-01-15T17:52:00.000+08:00

What a weird time I'm blogging. Because I know if I don't blog, somebody will come-a-crashing on me again. Heh. Gosh today I woke up late. Uber late. Opened my eyes and look at my phone which read 1.16pm. Ah ha. 16 minutes passed the end of Macro lecture. Somebody kill me. Heh. 41 missed calls. O.O Haha, and I changed and all and immediately rushed down to school, in time for POA tutorial. Couldn't understand ANYTHING at all please. And I was reminded about tomorrow's written comm test and so I decided that I should give trng a miss. What a sacrifice right! I have to score for my written comm cos I know my other modules are screwed. Especially Macro. Uh huh. So after tutorial headed to Admin building to help Mr. Bugger ask about the admission to Poly. Headed home after that. So, here I am, studying my notes and samples and blogging! Multi-tasker. Haha. Mhmm.

I've tried to set my feelings straight.
I am trying so hard to make the impossible possible.
You made me hope for something better and reach for something more.
But I dare not imagine if this ever happens again.
How I go through another roller coaster ride.
I'm afraid of everything after what you've done.
What you've done to me.
You made me afraid of falling in love.
You made me.
And this is what I am now.
Thank you.

And then I'll tell you that everything's a lie

2007-01-14T18:20:00.000+08:00

Hello to that person out there who keeps bugging me to blog. Haha, last week's been a real busy week and I'm so glad I got through it. Like, finally. Yay Monday getting IVP package! Which means tmr la. And more trngs to lessen my timing! Man my timing's like a total disaster! This Saturday would be the first day of competition and best of lucks to the team - Tin, Henry, Amanda, Terry, Natalie, Daniel, Melena, Andy and the rest whom I forgot their names. (: My time would be next Saturday. Dies. BA carnival was okay. Personally I think publicity wasn't good enough. Thus the turnout rate. And because of that too much money, time and effort gone down the drain. But overall I think the idea was good and generally it turned out fine. Mhmm. Am looking forward to the next week! Last GL trng! I'm done blogging so buzz off retard! (:

I'd do just fine without any more deceptions

2007-01-07T03:09:00.000+08:00

You had to keep pretending you care. Knowing it's so hard on yourself. Why be? And I have to keep constantly reminding myself that I am not lying to those around. And to myself. I hate it when you do this. I hate it when I reminisce about the stuffs you did, we did. Then I ask myself again, was it true? Were everything you did true? Time and time again, I tried not to think about the possibilities that everything was a lie. That you were, in fact, like all the other boys. No, I keep convincing the loved ones that they were moments of truth and all in the name of love. It's even harder this way. You think like a steel board, I could withstand everything you gave and did. Now I say, I am not. You tried to make it all up, but you know you can't, God knows what's going through your mind, I really don't have a clue. You're doing this now. You are doing it, subconciously or not. Mhmm. With your actions like these, tell me how can I believe that all that past weren't lies. I'm sick of feeling this way. This way you treat me.

It's times like these time and time again.
Fuck.

The only truth you could believe

2007-01-05T03:25:00.000+08:00

It's been two days since school started, and trust me, it sucks. Totally. Assignments here and there, projects here and there. It's 3.27am now and I'm not even halfway through the LMS report. We don't intend to sleep tonight anyway. Mhmm. Prata later. Tomorrow there'll be combined meeting at 12nn, 3pm training at Chinese High maybe? Swimming IVP coming very very very soon. It's freaky and I can tell you I'm so not prepared. Plus, those other commitments are wearing me down too. Thankfully I'm still surviving now. Sports camp GL training next Tuesday. How awesome, seeing people like Mede, Gerard, Chinny all over again. Not forgetting the very nice GLs, Gail, Fi, Sam, Mi, Chris, Hongyun, er okay I forgot everyone else's name. Dang my memory is failing. Oh well, they ARE nice people.(: BAWAZUP next week, plus BA carnival next saturday. I don't know if our chocolate fountain stall will be a success, or what? It's going to be a tiring week. Plus, Macroecons test 2 next friday. 20th January swimming IVP day one. Thankfully I'm not involve, but oh well, they need supporters. 27th January swimming IVP day two. That's when I'm really screwed. I want to go back to Millennia. I miss everybody.

Especially that idiot who skips her Malay classes called Darylyn. (:

There's nothing much in addition

2007-01-01T23:32:00.000+08:00

The pretty thing.

Still, I need 'Photography' for my IS next sem.

Stoned faces for 6 hours.

And nevertheless(:

Suddenly so incomplete

2006-12-28T03:40:00.000+08:00

Trying to believe that you're gone;
Love takes time to heal when you're hurting so much.

I don't wanna be here, because everywhere I look, somehow you had to occupy the whole of my mind. The pain inside, not even someone I hold dearly could understand, could feel. He said, stay strong and hate me. She said, Baby if it were so easy, I would have done so. When you were gone, it wasn't that difficult, all she had to do was stay positive and believe that one day her feelings would touch your heart in some way. She knows, she knows that it is not possible, she tries so hard to convince the people around her that she's doing just fine, but slowly it's wearing out, she faces the world alone. You told her you'd be here, but you're doing it. Like what other boys always do. Walking on by, pretending she's not there. She hadn't a clue what was going on, she was willing to forgive the mistakes you did, all the didn't-dos and all that emotions and behaviour of yours she contained, but no, she knows too, that if the kite slipped from her hand, it has. Her friend said to her, we could take things a step at a time, this way, nobody gets hurt. Only then she understood that she was part of the blame. 4.16am and the clock goes on ticking by, she's tired and her eyes are swollen. She has no idea where to go or what to do, but let these tears fall and trickle down her already sunken cheeks. There's just too many things she still doesn't know, could you kindly break it to her, so that it would be easier to handle. Everything was planned, going to Surge and going clubbing almost so frequently, she's so caught up with fixing the puzzle so that the picture becomes clearer. It happened once, now it did again. She's convinced that history would not repeat itself, but she just doesn't want to believe that it wouldn't. Then again it wouldn't. Does she go on holding the kite in her hands, or does she release it higher and further but still reachable, or should she tie it free and pretend she didn't recognise the kite even if it did come back to her again? And if the latter happened, she would run away, far away that he couldn't find her, for then she would get what she had always sought after; to be away from the harsh reality. She tried avoiding, avoiding everything that would make her tear, or even bring her to her past, doing all sorts of nasty things, but she know she couldn't run away from it. She couldn't bear to do so. She wants to scream, all her feelings suppressed within, she merely want to let it all out,

and now all she could do is cry.

Midnight rides no more

2006-12-27T00:13:00.000+08:00

When everything happened so fast, you left, they were there.

Merry Christmas lovelies(:

Oh and that crazy day over.

Sabrina(:

It was a wasted trip

2006-12-26T01:30:00.000+08:00

It's been a long week and now I've got a breather to take. Let's start with Monday, headed out with the girls, typical. Did some Christmas shopping and what nots. Tuesday went out again with the girls to search for more Christmas goodies. Headed to school for BA camp from Thursday to Saturday, reporting for camp with a heavy flu and slight fever. Felt utterly terrible. Being a station master was so not a fun thing to do. It's BORING and LIFELESS and I almost died. But snuggled up in my sleeping bag on the classroom table with everyone around me felt awesome. All that warmth needed for the cold nights. Worked at Bather's during Christmas eve with Pel and gang. It was fun. There were turkey and food and wine and company. Left at about 10 and headed down to meet the girls. Headed to Esplanade then we wanted to go Cine but we didn't manage to make it in time so we counted down in the middle of the road near the Cathay. Hilarious shit. Oh and we did something really ridiculous at The Cathay Starbucks. (: Sabrina and Eevel left for movie and the rest of us walked to Cine. Just the four of us girls. I tell you, I swear never to do that ever in my whole life. Some people just had to scare the shit out of us. And we hate those people. Gerard knows. He saw us acting like idiots; hiding in and out. Seriously, those people have no brains. Saw Renfred and he changed like so much! Ha, and I think I blurted out something bad. Anyway Michelle and I cabbed home at like 3. The girls came over the next day for Christmas party. We sorta stoned until dinner time, exchanging presents and what nots. I was so touched when I received Mich and Yunxin's presents. It was so bloody awesome, I melted, like literally. Caught in shock totally. You girls are simply the best. Called for pizzas and ate and watched Saw. What a lovely Christmas with the girlies(:

Is it okay if I speak to you,
Will he see what's inside of me,
And until then will he know that what he sees aren't real?

All that Vodka lovin.

2006-12-20T00:10:00.000+08:00

And between now and then, till I see you again, I'll be loving you.

Everybody was right. Everybody was. And I chose not to listen. Now I regret, as those words, they spill right from your own mouth. I feel the world coming to a standstill, as I stand in the rain, dont know which way to go. It gets even harder. I don't know what to do, or what to say. I feel death, his arms wide open, calling for me. Each step I take, I feel myself inching closer, so close that I wished it would all end now. I recalled the times we spent together, and every second of it, my heart aches that little more. Your voice still rings in my head, all that you said, still ringing in my head. Like at the back of the hallway, I remember you called out to me. Now as I return, I still hear it. You will never be the person you used to be. Never. You try and make it all up now. But you know it will still be imperfect. I'm so lost baby. I can never imagine us this way. And you know I still love you like I always did. With no regards to whatever you say, I'll be loving you.

These moments of truths are deceits after deceits

2006-12-11T15:06:00.000+08:00

Yup, these moments of truths. Have you ever stopped and wonder, how much you put your trust and faith into a person, but turns out it is all in vain? Time and time again, you repeat phrases and phrases in your head, you feel as if you're hypnotizing no one else but yourself. You say, "I don't need you here for me Baby, I can stand even without my two feets and my eyes closed." It becomes a 'mental-drainer'. These strains are showing as well, you're not the only one, you're not the only hand that claps on its own. We share this together and we're gonna get through it together. But all the times I try so hard, you don't seem to realise. You just don't. I feel the piercing of the needle right through my heart, how it aches everytime you speak. I take a peek at the brighter side, I try and I try, to stay on the brighter side, it's so hard to do so when you let me face these emtional drifts alone. Have you tried asking why these feelings they fade, have you ever tried to think about how it would be if only we tried? I can't imagine the impact of those words, like a bumble bee, just one, which stings you once, twice, thrice. The pain intensifies, slowly, gradually. I want to be the old me Baby, where I'd laugh at all those stupid jokes and actions, at all the things that revolve around me. I don't envy, I'm just as satisfied as they are. Those changes to be made.

Ah, there's the very late figgy.

So much to do, so many questions

2006-12-08T22:58:00.000+08:00

sherlyn - Hebrews 13 says:
EH UPDATE YOUR BLOG LA. STAGNANT ALR.

Thanks for reminding me sherlyn. Haha. Ah the past few days been, rubbish I should say. Ups never felt like ups and downs never felt any worst. Studying didn't felt like studying either! I really don't wanna screw up my cts this sem. Mummy.): Projects are done here and there. WCOM done, FABM individual done and there won't be no hols for me because it would be so project-y that I'll just die. Ah. I can't believe I managed to stone at EB today for 8hours straight. That's a third of a day my fellow friends. Love calamari rings. And tiramisu. And cheesecake. Yums. Nothing else to add. Oh, shopping shopping very very soon. All smiles.

Channing Tatum is love. (Yes Sherlyn, Channing Tatum is love)

Dearest Chinny chinny chin chin. Chin up okay(: We're all here for you.

2006-12-02T00:30:00.000+08:00

Oh the sweetest friend from MI, trillions of love to you birthday girl.

Qianli Daryl Xiangli? SJCs Cynthia David Amanda.

Wonderful people.

Oh and Sally loves David like how David loves her. So, Sally can wait.

Celebrated Darylyn darling's birthday couple of hours ago. Were settling for Surf n Turf but some of them had budget so we went t Swensen's instead. Soon (Like 15, 20 mins?) the clique came then we had our dinner. Totally engrossed in those meaningless conversations and ridiculous jokes. The SJC people came too and they were such adorable creatures! Yup we've got seventeen candles onto the small slice of cake and manny many surprises for her. Awesome night(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DARYLYN DARLING! :D

You know, it scares me so

2006-11-29T00:08:00.000+08:00

Oh what a long day, what a long long day. Today started out a great day. Woke up early, made my own breakfast after such a long time. Down t sch for lessons and what not. During BCA lecture, I so happen to chance upon somebody's blog. It read "..was behind me.." Until then that I figured out it was her that you met. But I'm fine, am I not(: Hmm. Way too early for GLs trng so scb gail and I slept at the gallery while waiting for the SSC people. Excersises were so DB style. Urgh. We headed for campus run though I think it was like half only? But still completed it and headed for some games and banana after that.

Oh how I miss those society days):

That very fateful night

2006-11-25T21:31:00.000+08:00

She asks him to vacate the building because,
she's got a plan they don't know yet.

Will you come back,
it's all she wants to know.

Sports camp gl trng was boring on Friday, I have no idea why. Maybe it's because of those very hurtful words you said the previous night. Maybe it's because of the pathetic 2 hours of sleep I have had. Maybe, just maybe. I never could imagine those words coming out of your mouth, coming from the bottom of your heart. For you know there could be nobody more perfect than you, no man I would love more but you. God knows what made you said that. If only you'd give both you and I a chance to work this out together. To achieve the love we once lost. Speechless was what became of me, as all I could do is cry. But I would want to become the strong woman Ive ever dreamt of being, but strong not so that when the waves and storms come I would still be able to stand still and not falter, strong but all the time. I dont want you to make me strong so that I am prepared. I dont want you to make me mad so that the love goes a little lesser while the hate mounts. If there really is love, why cant we make it work. Where's the man I knew who wouldnt give up easily. There's the man I once loved and the feelings still burning like before. No we're not going to stop just here baby. There can be eternity and you're the one for me.

Like I always say,
I love you baby.

I'd be there for you, these five words I swear to you

2006-11-22T00:46:00.000+08:00

Had a bloody bad diarrhoea this morning. Stoned at home the entire day. Wished I were dead. Better off dead. But when I picture you girls, you just manage to stop me. All the pull and push factors all placed in front of me. Go to hell.

You think and you think,
You never wanted to talk to me,
Nor asked me how I felt.
Ten thousand and one apologies would mean nothing to you.
Now all I can do is sit stone and cry.
I never dared to raise my voice at you,
or throw my tantrums around.
But you would ignore me for days.
Let me swim till I die,
work till I faint.
These are the pleasures I find in life.

In the night I can feel the suspense

2006-11-18T00:44:00.000+08:00

Long awaited GL trng is finally here! LMS lessons ended and the group headed to SIM for lunch and discussion. By noon, we didn't have anything left for us to discuss and we were all feeling restless under the afternoon sun. Headed to BAMP booth, Jerome was there, so were Audris and Xiao Xuan. Sat till 1 and Gail finally turned up and we headed to Sunset Way for ice cream. We went for manicure session too and it was fun though I fell asleep halfway. Cabbed down to sch and met up with Fifi and Sammie. Overall the first trng was fun, got to meet a handful of new people. Karmede was awfully happy, I think committee was satisfied too and I got to do a round off on ngeeann's blue track. It felt so good. I havent touched or done anything related to gymnastics for a long time and I'm missing it.): Oh well. Dragged our feets all the way to kap for dinner. Met more friends! Bus home and I feel asleep too, missed a stop and closed my eyes while I walk all the way home. Great day today to be seeing so many familiar faces again.(: Loves.

You gave me a reason to hate you.

2006-11-11T00:26:00.000+08:00

I just got home from WORK. Damn. My tolerance level is only so much and today some people had to piss the shit out of me. I've had enough of your childish thoughts, immature words and ridiculous accusations. I dont need to work for people like you and you can find someone else who'll tolerate people like you and your effed up company. If without any restrictions, I would sue you. And bad. I would make your life a living hell and no I wouldnt compromise. Fact is, you know, everyone left you. You're unreasonable, demanding and not forgetting idiotic. Oh the way you backstab somebody is like, you're the unbeatable. You think you're xxx the great, you never left choices open neither did you try to be a little more understanding. Oh what a loser.

Happy working.

I can still find my way.

2006-11-09T00:26:00.000+08:00

Now she's gone. I can still remember how her gentle eyes would look at you, that bright blue eyes and the priceless smile. Back then we were only 15, when she first stepped into our school. The clique and I met her just outside the restroom and I sorta talked her into joining the gymnastics team. So full of doubts and questions, she joined the big family. We went through those strenous trngs and those long walks in the night. We went through so much that we could talk about anything under the sky, I didnt see her as just a friend, but a soul mate. She would hear me out and share my sorrows, pick me up when I fall down, hold me firm while I fly in the air, teach me stuffs I could never have learnt. Those 2 years flew by so quickly, that as I reminisce the times we spent together, I could hear here now, right beside me.

She's back to where she came from, and she's never gonna come back. But no matter how far you are, just remember my heart's with you. God bless you Marina. I love you):

The night's too long to go.

2006-11-01T23:07:00.000+08:00

Am proud to show my new friend off-stress. Oh he keeps me company like day and night. Don't you see, this is how a mad woman speaks. Swimming, projects, homework, work attachment, society, Im just about to burst. Polympics is this friday and today just had to rain. So very sadly I trained alone and utter disappointment with my timings. Projects are mounting up not only on me but on every single soul out there. Okay, poly students. FABM, WCOM, BCA, IS. Not forgetting individual assignments and balancing these crazy modules with my work outside would not be a wise decision. But still, I made the latter. Now I stare at the rose, the only thing that soothes my soul this very instance. All that stress are bringing tears to my eyes and could You just give me the strength to carry all these. Don't want to disappoint anyone or myself; but how would it be possible.

I recalled studying your facial expressions when you said you read it. They were just thoughts penned down and they never really meant a thing. Well, they did at least a little, but it was all in a moment of anger. Who would have known you would read it. This I apologise for saying things without making sure. When rejection occurs, please know I mean it. I want to be me.

Dearest SCO, thanks for being there and to my loveliest cousin on Earth. I love you very much too. God bless the both of us(:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY ROXANNE DARLING! : D XOXOXOXO.

Drenched in memories from the past

2006-10-31T02:31:00.000+08:00

I miss Darylyn):

Yet another lonesome night at home. Eyes closed, brain far from here, the drums the bass the music. It's a wonder how things can change, just like that, with the snap of your fingers. Rushed through my LMS homework only today during break and it resulted to not handing up because shawn's laptop couldnt print. I am only praying now I dont flunk any modules this sem. It's a tiring sem we all know. If life could be this easy, if life could be as what I wish to type them out, I would I could. Then the judge frowned. He made the decision, not me. It was never up to me. Those insensitivities were never felt, as he stared really hard, seeing through the lie in my eye. As he caught the flicker, he gave judgement. Bam. Intensive trainings Ive skipped and no more skipping as this would mean no medal. Working has never been so, weird. It seemed as though I worked for nothing, as the hardworking man of labour would surrender his money to items that were never meant to be there. It was a matter of buying. What's the whole point in loving.

It's 2.29am now. Thus my meaningless gibberish this instance.

Yet again, deceptions

2006-10-30T02:07:00.000+08:00

Finally, im back from MSA camp. I totally enjoyed the camp except for the here-and-theres. There's nothing much to say about it, really. All I can say is good job slippers partner(: School's starting again and as certain as I am, I would be late for lecture tmr morning again. Oh, school. Blogger has a major problem and I think it's against me. Bye for now.

261006

2006-10-26T14:52:00.000+08:00

precious moments spent with you kept locked in my heart. i can vividly remember the entire afternoon spent with you walking here and there and here and there. we watched the boats go by, the aneroxic snowman, the people at sentosa. the sunset we watched as i inched a little closer to you, to feel safe in your embrace and warmth. all i need now is your confirmation, no more doubts and no more silent moments. if you could only do this one thing for me, to let me put my paranoid heart at ease, to know that you're the one for me and let me love you. no more lies no more frauds. i wont take your hand because i know you'll take mine. i wont make pancakes because i knw you hate them. i wont tie you up neither will i let you go. i wont get mad because i knw you wouldnt. dont leave a hollow heart with me baby.

when i say,

241006

2006-10-24T03:23:00.000+08:00

the tears just wont stop falling.

sinking deeper and deeper,
how can we manage,
another day like this,
without compromise nor communication.

now, would you jst bring me far and dry my tears, so no harm would be done.
thanks for being there.

171006

2006-10-17T00:38:00.000+08:00

never knew such things would happen again. it's all coming back isnt it. those sudden flashbacks and how very much you resembled the man, the same man. wow. things are getting out of hand, i never imagined the worst and i wouldnt want t. but now im at the verge of breaking down once again, tears all welled up in the eyes, and slowly the roll down those cheeks, before hitting hard on the ground. knelt down, felt for smth i can never get-your heart.

you never tell me a thing.

if anybody were t cry, jst let it be me. im so tired baby. whr are you when i needed you.

161006

2006-10-16T01:19:00.000+08:00

that night we got so high-we got so high thoughts went haywire. i'd never felt like this before, all i did at every second i wondered if you would do the same. blue sky, tequila, carlsberg, magarita and vodka. we all went wild in the cabin, yelling our hearts away, drinking our sorrows down. there wasnt enough drinks t go arnd the handful of us in the room. so sober as we drank, images of you kept flashing through my mind, the things we did the movies we enjoyed. while the alcohol flows down the alr hoarse throat, the yearn mounted. i stared aimlessly at everyone enjoying themselves in the room, some enjoying in the midst of a worry, some enjoying without consciousness, some, cared. if you want to drink, drink when you're happy. dont drink when you're upset. i have no idea what to say to the bunch of really really extremely awesome friends i have out there. i can swear to you, you want friends like them, you can wait another century. they were there for the very high people. without friends like them, we wouldnt have known what would happen. i want to thank you guys so much. (: you wonderful buncha people.

131006

2006-10-13T22:59:00.000+08:00

friday thirteenth oh six. im so not gonna forget this day.

day when we checked into superstar virgo, had a rather boring early night. had supper and we kinda toured the place before we had our own precious time. the whole lot of us headed t celebrity disco and jst chilled out. great music great drinks and not forgetting great company. left at 2plus, 3am. slept early that night.

second day was tiring. we had long boring lifeless talks by the management. every speaker that spoke, i slept. like honestly, whether it's at the lido or the show house. in need of so muchh sleep. well, and those sleep were jst sufficient t party my night away. the teachers were awesome and the friends were wonderful. cat and i went t celeb disco, again and it was boring because the rest of the tourisy people decided t go er sing song? boring boring. and i can recall the mirror outside the celeb while cat and i were looking into it and doing very funny stuffs. oh man i love that bff. haha. and oh the BFFs shit happening in our cabin was ridiculously hilarious.

had an awesome time with tourisy people and i love it plenty. things will get better and cheer up people!(:

081006

2006-10-08T23:35:00.000+08:00

you still dont knw how it works, do you. im so sick and tired of your childish behaviour that it puts me in misery and so much pain that you dont even realise because of this word called pretence. sometimes i dont knw what goes through your mind. tell me whether this is a joke. tell me there's going to be nothing going on that very night. tell me tell me you're not gonna be gone, getting wasted. you dont knw how it feels to be in such a plight that even i myself feel embarrassed saying all these. people take pity and i dont want to be pitied. and i hate being mocked at. im sacrificing so much and i dont knw what i get in return. IM TIRED, physically and mentally and i need a shoulder t cry on, to lean on. i feel like such a xxxax xxxx. if you're not ashamed, i feel ashamed. PLEASE LET ME FUCKING DIE PLEASE.

i feel im next to hell.

071006

2006-10-07T01:39:00.000+08:00

do yo chain hang loww.

im so happy today. so happy that i gave my pretty cousin a treat! (: watched world trade center today! it was a really sad story. cried like 123456 times. but it's quite a weird time to show this movie. had dinner after that at coffeebean. weird place i know.

I LOVE TODAY EVERYBODY!

met cousin up at hollandv and we went to essential brew t chill out. chatted over drinks and we had a lot of fun laughing and crapping. missed her like so much. saw candice and trm friend! whoo trm rocks.

I LOVE TODAY.
ABSOLUTELY.
RAH.

051006

2006-10-05T00:34:00.000+08:00

you're losing faith, not me.
i can tell.

yeah pimp ong,
sometimes all we need is a true blue teddy hug.

):

280906

2006-09-28T22:37:00.000+08:00

baby i wanna scream. the pain on my gums is killing me slowly. jst got my 2 canine (spell) teeth plucked out today. braces baby braces. HAHA. im not feeling okay at all! it's hard to talk and i even skipped the trip down to work. but, i have work tmr. hopefully by tmr i can talk. nothing much t blog bout either. so yeah. cheerios.

:DD

imu imu imu, imu like crazy.
you're the one for me,
the one.
for nobody else but for me.
anything to make you happy.

270906

2006-09-27T00:28:00.000+08:00

back from the chalet jst 20minutes ago. would say that it was kinda fun. the best part was the first night, just chilling and touch rugging and laughing. but the best of best, was johnny walker. HEH HEH. wasnt much but it was really really nice. oh i went shopping with lover in the morning-noon actually, before meeting the clique. it was so much fun with lover.

tmr first appt with the dentist lee. im fricked out! and ive to work lunch as well as dinner. with pellvyn! that twit. HAHA. it's gg t be a really packed week ahead. im so not prepared!

to those mugging for papers now. MUG HARD. you'll get your rewards soon(: it would be really nice to see a great smile upon receiving results slips and everything would go really smoothly i promise. study hard(:

my muscles are aching everywhr and i was jst told that swim trngs have become more intense): means more effort alr. jieping you got t start swimming like a, erm swimmer. boo. more pullings and also of course swimming.

goodluck jieping, goodluck.

220906

2006-09-22T23:28:00.000+08:00

i finally get to blog!
after the week long of imf, i finally got my rest and blah and am able to blog like a normal person. past few days been real tough due to the food poisoning. the mass food poisoning my friends and i suffered due to the food given to us. well not really given but they provided and we chose to eat. but they decided to foot our medical bills, so why not. been really tiring these days. yeah imf and all. skipping a lot of trngs and im sinful!):

tmr i'd be visiting my cousin's new born. which made me an, aunt? haha. with my cousin we'd be visiting her and after that head t sch and have some ba meeting before getting t work. BOO.

you give me smth nobody else can(:
ilu.

130906

2006-09-13T00:27:00.000+08:00

today the girls had a wonderful chat. we sat around esplanade, while waiting to work and just, talked. we talked about how love can be so mystical and yet so fatal. how you could knw that he's your bf one moment and the next you ask yourself why you're holding on to a stranger's hand. we talked we laughed we sat there quietly. i pondered i thought. she is a very very strong lady and very respectable. then i self reflected, i asked myself when have i ever proved myself proud. when have i ever walked down the empty streets with dignity and grace, with love and cautiousness. then i asked myself again, why did i fall so deep, why am i so blinded, why am i so ignorant, stubborn and dumb. the eyes the stares, it didnt feel good. there were never good comments, neither were there praises nor a simple envious look. ive seen the light and im starting to be aware. of what and how people portray of one another. random words may seem random to some, but what they do not know of, is how those words they hurt. every. single. word. it's not a matter of being petty, you just dont knw how you get on my fucking(: nerve. just, whatever.

as we continued the little girl talk, tears came upon me. i realised what ive been living for.
(:

110906

2006-09-11T23:14:00.000+08:00

september eleven! whoo. today was a good day. headed t the gym in the morning after all efforts to crawl outta bed, no matter how tempting it was. did quite a bit of gymming then headed to the pool straight. we only did pulls today. lotsa pulling. ): had lunch before meeting huiting and jennifer. watched bend it like beckham while waiting for py, who was always late.

after paying for the cruise we headed to al dente hollandv and looked for jason. had a short interview before gg to raffles city. bought germany then to marina for steamboat. with wegg ht jem jh and cs. we had a lot of fun. and im very very very very guilty today.

pray for me okay. okay? (:

110906

2006-09-11T02:02:00.000+08:00

poof. saturday's forbidden city's event was rather a breeze with only 12pax. except that i had t stand outside aria for the inital 2hours. wasnt really pleasant you know.

today had a family gathering. had lunch with my relatives (mum's side) at boon lay raja. whoa the food is nice. not bad i must say. had a filling lunch and a lot of laughters. headed back t cousin's and we slacked till dinner time. and what enjoyable hours we had getting our hands on mahjong for the hours. laughters and more laughters we had watching my younger cousin play mahjong. he asks really funny questions that can make us faint. (:

headed t obriens for coffee. had irish cream coffee and it was i tell you, the best coffee ive ever had in my seventeen years on this planet! i think im addicted to it alr. had really nice long chats with mummy into the night before we cabbed home.

tmr trng and interview and dinner. (:
the coffee made my night a, erm, weird one.
you know it.
goodnight and for some, have fun at idare. :DD

090906

2006-09-09T01:24:00.000+08:00

love can be so ~~boring~~ exciting! :DD
you're the best i ever had. best best best.

woke up at 9 today and being the lazy self i dragged myself out of bed, only to decide in a moment that i shan't go t sch t train today. it's pointless anyway. so i havent been to trng on wednesday and friday. im dead guilty. i really am. headed t citylink t look for py py py. we had breadtalk and walked t num. i'd get my germany soon enough. headed over t aria at esplanade. met up with ashid, our manager for the day and we got crackin.

lucky for some of us, we managed to get our positions at the esplanade theatre doing the erm cocktail reception for the opening of the forbidden city. it's a pity we couldnt catch it on the tvscreen. py saw dick lee though. with this really really gorgeous guy. which i didnt get t see. oh boo. after that was plain cleaning up and shifting every single equipment. it was tiring. but fun. the pain at my lower back was coming er back. so we worked nonstop from 12nn to 11pm. except we had lunch opposite at marina square for half an hour.

headed home after that and momo called! haha. laughed a lot on the bus. i think i looked dumb. well today ive got THREE OPINIONS from three different people abt ME. they had the same thing to say abt me. and im not gonna say it. you go figure. LOOK! even you can figure it out. okay byebye im being random. tmr imf trng at aria for like half an hour only. for half an hour we have to go all the way to esplanade. oh wow.

goodnight people. have the sweetest dreams tonight.

070906

2006-09-07T01:26:00.000+08:00

brother's passing out today at tekong. had a great lunch at hollandv with clemmo. headed t pasir ris to find my brother. was late and had a blister on my toe which hurts A LOT.

saw the entire passing out parade which was quite an eye opener. my brother was whining abt how we actually could notice the wrong guy. HAHA.

ohwell, i enjoyed myself today. BYEBYE.

060906

2006-09-06T01:31:00.001+08:00

if you wanna cry, cry on my shoulder.

monday's trng was gruesome. my weak arms are still crying out loud from the trng. how am i to survive tmr's? in addition to all the trouble i created for myself these couple of days, how am i to train seriously. okay cancel the fact that by nature im a swim addict. flyings tmr will be pain. i cant fly with arms like these?

had a terrific time today with my cousin. up downs up downs she was with me through it all. and not forgetting boyuan who was being the nice guy accompanying the two frantic and wild ladies for the night.

just call me,
just call me,
i'd be there to make your day.
baby i love you,
you're the man i want to meet.
you're the man i wanna be with for the rest of my life.
baby it's not difficult is it.
stay strong jieping, stay strong.

030906

2006-09-03T00:10:00.000+08:00

a wheelchair is what i need this instance, the pokey numbness of my soles are extremely intolerable, that i could tear if i had to. ten steps were a challenge. it wasnt the toes-cramped-all-together pain. it was the excruciating pain of standing for 12hours on two consecutive days. the heels are in pain and so are the toes. and it's causing me to have a headache. finally i get a rest after the terrible couple of days i had. i need sleep baby.

as i close my eyes and hear the clock ticking away, i thought maybe i'd fall asleep on my laptop if i were to keep those eyes shut for another 15seconds. im tired.

yeah in every ways.

dont give me those shit now,
because i cant take it.
everything is pulling me down.
im tired.
very, very tired.

010906

2006-09-01T23:53:00.000+08:00

hello september. wakeeeee me uppppp, when september endssss. oh sorry. randomness. had a whack of a time today. woke up at 6.30am in the morning. first time i ever woke up so early since i entered poly! gee. cabbed t SMU cos i was really lazy, for the bienalle singapore thing. it's really cool! reached the top of the function room and started unpacking those stuffs, setting up and cleaning glasses. i forgot t bring my phone and mummy actually brought it all the way down t SMU! (:

soon the guests started rolling in and huiting accidentally broke a glass. and i spilt water at the back while they were having conference. hohums. the food was okay and blah. never felt any worst when my feet swelled and turning from a light beiged tone to a pale pink shade. felt utterly in pain and never ever more paralysed. if i could walk more than ten steps you would probably have seen me limping. guests were gone when the clock struck 3. we slumped down in the couches and grab anything edible to satisfy our growling stomachs. walked over t patara restaurant at swissotel the stamford. jason told me that he has a restaurant over at holland village. and i could work there if i wanted. i'll take that into consideration.

headed t clementi t get shoes. because i would be out of breath by the time i reach bather's. mummy was around the area so we hung out and bought a proper cod shoe. got my lunch from nearby at 6. while walking to bather's. what a pity aye. worked till ten plus and there was this mixed blood guy. he had a really high nose and very charismatic eyes. mixed dutch i suppose. living with his mum and parents divorced, assumed by pellvyn.

walked out and he was singing his punjabi song really loud, dogs in the nearby houses started barking with no rhyme nor reason. in laughters we were.

dont knw dont knw.
you dont need to knw.
oh no no.
you dont.
feign a pretence.

310806

2006-08-31T23:53:00.000+08:00

yep. it's one more month gone. gone gone gone. i SHOULD go t church soon since im sinful. for all the wrong things i did. i should. sab was right. what would you lose. nothing. whr's your heart. people find me a frick. a weirdo. yeah sure. jst like how water and oil cannot mix right. im not forcing you and you knw that very well. every single night i wipe a smile across my face for you and you dont knw. you dont care abt my feelings at all. if i die, i would feel better really.

just, wtf.

today went back t queenstown for teachers' day celebration. the rain in the morning didnt help. saw sec4 class and i miss them loads. jerry was still as crappy. blahblah. headed t town after that for lunch with the girls. had lunch at the rice table. the food was good and cheap. left midway and looked for nut. bought the num tank top nut always wanted. chilled at maestro bistro. saw grace(: left for bather's. tiring day today.

tmr would be an even more tiring day. 8am at SMU then 6.30pm have t head down t bather's. work work work from 8am-11pm. er yeah. goodluck t me tmr. byebye.

300806

2006-08-30T01:40:00.000+08:00

it's yet another month gone. today had our first imf trng session with fabien and his crew in school. they set up a cocktail reception look alike. with a bar and carvery station and the kitchen table. they really went all out to do that. with the hundreds? of cups and also the canape. it was yummy. we were taught a lot and were told to catwalk arnd the lt with the serving tray and glasses. they then made us serve, either drinks or food. it was a fun time with them. but my feet were aching due to the covered shoe.

so, there goes my first and second sept. 8am-6pm 'pre-imf' work at SMU and also city hall chambers. it's a mini event also hosted by creative eateries. it serves more as a challenge and a practice. there goes celebration with scos at sentosa and swim trng on friday. after 6pm on those days still have to rush down to bather's. hope i survive. if you dont see me online on sunday night means im prolly drained out. EIGHTAM my dear friends.

tmr swim trng and work at bather's. somebody pray i dont fall asleep serving. ahh. im really tired tonight.

it was a big mistake altogether.
let me die please. this feeling really sucks.

280806

2006-08-28T23:33:00.000+08:00

anybody wants to see jieping's schedule for the hols? :DD today's land trng was quite alrt. only stretches and runs due to the longggg exam period we had. but it was enough to kill us. PLUS the sun was the accomplice. we couldve died of heatstroke. headed t the pool straight and did drills. tiringgg. pulling was a killer. got t buck up on my pulling. but no doubt it was quite fun. haha. except my toe cramped halfway. first time i had a cramp while swimming. never happened before. had a goood bath after that.

went t aunt's hse. she made lunch for mee(: she's nice. was really tired and slept on her bed. went home and wanted t meet nuthead out t get his shirt and my shoe. but instead he was alr gg home for dinner. so i went t bugis with mummy. bought this pazzion shoe. EH. pazzion shoes are actually not very expensive. looking at the quality and blah. saw yanyan! :DD and her bf. super funny lah she.

tmr have t head down t sch for imf trng. oh yay we're meeting fabien again. i wanna ride in his car. HAHA.

and on wednesday: swim trng + prolly out with nut + work at bather's
thursday: work at bather's
friday: swim trng + work at bather's
saturday: sentosa for brenda's birthday + work at bather's

oh ya sure. i love bather's ((: